Ah, it's been ages since my last post. I guess it's all the teaching, preparation, marking, attending to my family, etc, etc. But above all, the lack of motivation to write, let alone posting it here.
It's amazing how quickly my feelings towards someone could be submerged and locked safely and silently somewhere in my system. Traceless? Perhaps. However, I could feel it in my veins and nerves, throbbing at times, trying to escape. Sometimes I wonder they would just vanish for good or would burn into ashes when I'm cremated.
April whisked past and May seeped in quietly. May - a memorable month as my precious and beloved daughter was born. Ironically, it's also going to be the month which I'm taking away a life that is pitifully conceived. A tiny little seed. Would it have known its destiny already? Eleven years ago, I had brought a life to the world, now, I'm ending one. Cause and consequence - the opposite tensions.
People appear and disappear in our lives. I think one has to learn to cope with this fact - whether they like it or not. Sometimes the separation is intentional whereas others may be accidental or even painful.
Summoning strength is what I really need now. I know, I'm strong, determined and confident. But...will there be a fraction of a second that I'll just collapse?
posted at 14.22pm 14.5.2011
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